I have been over and back on an emotional roller coaster in recent weeks with all the life changing going on, and tonight I stumbled upon a moment of clarity that literally brought me to my knees with tears running down my face.
Everything I’ve wanted to accomplish in my life thus far, I have done.
That simple sentence tore away at all the self doubt I’ve been riddled with over the last few months… I should have traveled more, I shouldn’t have bought a house, am I tying myself down with this or that, am I doing this right, or could I have done that better… I can doubt myself even in the most assured times, all the way down to the nit-picky stuff like missing a workout or forgetting a task at work.
But when you get down to the meat and potatoes of things, my life, which I occasionally picture as pretty straight and narrow, is perfect. It’s mine, it’s what I’ve wanted and what I’ve accomplished. To go to and graduate from college, to find friends that I truly click with and love, to have a loving and wonderful relationship with my family, to live in Italy and backpack Europe, to have a career I love, to live on my own and figure out who I am as a person before finding the person with whom I’d like to spend my life.
Hell, even more minor things like going on The Price is Right (something I always wanted to do since I was little), owning my own pets, dating a foreign man in a foreign country, learning to grow and cook my own food, climbing a mountain and owning my own home (on my own!) are on that list. There are a lot of “on my own“s there, and I think that’s key. I’ve developed my own person over the years without leaning too heavily on anyone. These are all things I’ve wanted for myself since I was young. That realization alone was staggering.
Now I’m about to move into a house with the man I love (also the first time I’ve ever lived with a significant other), and I can say with 100% certainty that I’ve earned it and feel absolutely thrilled about this new chapter in life and all that it holds.
All of this in stark contrast to so many people in the world who aren’t able to do and be what they love (for a myriad of reasons) leads me to cast aside all the doubt, the nit-picking, the anxiety and just be damn thankful for what I have, where I am and who I’ve become.