Yesterday and today’s photos will be up later tonight. In the meantime I have a list-formatted rant.
A good portion of my new job entails purchasing merchandise. Right now we’re looking at a couple product launches in the near future so a lot of my time has been going into the sourcing, researching, designing and acquiring promotional materials. That means I deal with all sorts of sales types. Today a couple of gentlemen came in to talk about the shirts they make and design.
Tips for them on how to make a better sale:
- Don’t walk in the door at 4:50 trying to pull an unannounced meeting on a ridiculously gorgeous day.
- Don’t have one of your reps be a large, sweaty man dressed in vacation wear
- Don’t have under-moob sweat
- Don’t smell like medicinal cream
- Don’t sell me on your “hip, trendy” (read: tacky) designs a la Ed Hardy and Affliction
- Don’t feminize said tacky designs with rhinestones
- Don’t bring up Abercrombie, Margaritaville, Hollister or random Florida-based bars as your clients. This isn’t making your ugly designs any prettier and in my eyes, making them even worse.
- Don’t reference our designs by repeatedly looking my shirt’s logo located dead center on my boobs. That’s just creepy.
- Pointing makes it worse
- Don’t have only one sample of your clothing made with an innovative and unusual fabric
- Don’t sell me, a person buying for a brewing company, on clothes that are junior sizes
- Don’t then give an example on how fitted and small your ladies’ shirts are by giving me, currently a highly hormonal woman no less, the once over and tell me I’d probably be an XL in their junior’s size. Are you freaking kidding me? Have you ever even talked to a woman before???
Learn from this list, good sirs, and you too may place a sale within this company. Until then my XL boobs will rest comfortably within our in-house designs. Thanks.