Oh, celebrities.

I’ve previously confessed multiple times of my love of celebrity gossip blogs. Not the TV shows, not the magazines, but the unfiltered, completely raw digital diarrhea spewed forth from the nastiest orifices of the interwebs. Okay, I’m sure there’s much worse out there, but it’s still absolute filth. And I love it.

One of the best parts of celebrity gossip is when a celebrity has to publicly endure a particularly nasty hardship. Namely because it’s not you and usually it involves the worst celebrities. We’re talking drug binges, bulemia, meltdowns, sex scandals, the works. Some celebrities go through it once, learn from their mistakes, and become a shining example of overcoming adversity and negative influences. Then there are others who are a never ending source of bad choices and questionable ethics. Paging Lindsay Lohan.

In and out of rehab. In and out of jail.  Hitting parked cars, hijacking cars, getting caught with drugs in your pocket that “aren’t yours”. Drastic weight loss. Never ending fights in public with your questionable girlfriend. Dropping out of the few remaining gigs that people are willing to give you. Coochie shots. Boning lots of dudes. That was just the past two years. Seriously, this chick’s career is going down the drain faster than coke is going up her nose. Hell, it’s been far down the drain for a while now. It peaked at Mean Girls and has dropped drastically ever since. She was even voted the Dumbest in Hollywood in 2007. In that quaint town, that’s a huge accomplishment.

But things like that make me wonder… when she was a fresh-faced, genuinely peachy little actress in the Parent Trap, did she ever think she’d look like this in her early twenties?

From cute and wholesome to coke and whoresome.

From cute and wholesome to coke and whoresome.

She, along with her mother and her poor teenage sister, have mastered the look of Long Island Coke Whore.

Brought to you by self tanner, hairspray, and OxyContin.

Brought to you by self tanner, hairspray, and OxyContin.

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