Everybody panic!

Because some people, somewhere in the world, in the next 4 years, will be the unfortunate victims of TERRORISM. More specifically, a biological or nuclear (new-cue-ler) attack. IT’S THE SPIDERS! The spiders will finally all attack at once, crawl en masse over your terrified body and lay eggs in your braaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnsssssss.

Ok, seriously though. Shit your pants.

Theyre terrorizing me with their shitty Photoshop (MS Paint?) skills here.

They're terrorizing me with their shitty Photoshop (MS Paint?) skills here.

Done? Good. Now go and start building your bunker, because we have no clue when or where this will happen, or really how (the biological weapons section in the terrorism handbook is pretty fucking long), but an ominous report released titled “The World at Risk” from the Commission on the Prevention of WMD Proliferation and Terrorism tells us that we’re ALL playing a treacherous game of Russian roulette (is it the Russians? Is it me? Is it you? Who knows? Guess Who!) and just by hanging around civilization we’re at risk. Well… sweet. Thanks guys.

It goes into detail, thankfully(?). “For those terrorist groups active in 2025, the diffusion of technologies and scientific knowledge will place some of the world’s most dangerous capabilities within their reach. The globalization of biotechnology industries is spreading expertise and capabilities, and increasing the accessibility of biological pathogens suitable for disruptive attacks.” Oh shit. Really? So we’re not just making tennis shoes and “Made in America” t-shirts in foreign countries? Fuuuuck.

These colors dont run, unless under threat of anthrax or washed with whites.

These colors don't run, unless under threat of anthrax or washed with whites.

It then goes into detail about nuclear proliferation, arms races, anthrax, inadequate security at foreign bioresearch facilities, Iran, North Korea, and a bevvy of sunny-side-up opportunities for us all to panic over, but the message is clear: Terrorists, we’re on to you. In the meantime, we’ll just be over here, freaking the fuck out. Thanks. 🙂


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