Today’s Your Deserve a Break Today goes to Oregon and its wondrous mail-in ballot system. We are the only state in the nation that is both too practical and too lazy to deal with going to a polling station to take part in American democracy. In fact, the only place I’ve ever seen a polling booth is on TV. Are those things just rampant with germs? Does someone Purell that thing every couple hours or so? So much touching by so many different fingers in such a short window of time. Gross.
Slightly related to the previous post, in Oregon you can do all sorts of crazy shit while voting. In fact you could be taking a crazy shit while voting for John McCain (I would then also assume you’re taking loads of crazy drugs and that you’re shitting ON the ballot). You could vote naked. You could vote while eating a sandwich. You could choose a state senator while driving across state lines. You could vote ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ on a measure while snorting lines. You could fill in your ballot while being filled in by a herpes-ridden, meth-addled male prostitute. Who knows, maybe blood is a suitable substance coloring in those little bubbles. As long as you remember to drop off your ballot on or before November 4th, no one has to know!
So Oregonians, take a little break today for yourself and represent Oregon’s kickassedness by filling out your ballot doing whatever the hell you want, however naked you’d like to be, and drop that sucker off.