Hey, guy at the bar

Guess what? We totally know when you’re checking us out.

“We” as in “most women”. We pretend like we’re still really interested in what’s going on with our friend’s suddenly very interesting conversation (which we might be!), but we can see you with the Female Radar Vision for Googly Eyes. You’re circling the area, gauging the entry path, making sure all the nearest exits are sufficiently blocked… yeah, we know what’s going on.

Late for the clambake.

So when you sidle up, suddenly needing to order a drink right next to me, or checking out the band from my vantage point, 2 feet to the left, I understand. And guess what? The longer it takes for you to strike up a conversation, the more weird it gets. So if within 30 seconds of your first exchanged words I’m already looking toward the exit (blocked again, dammit!), know that your game needs to either step up a lot, or be abandoned immediately to prevent future embarrassment.

Just some helpful middle-of-the-night advice from your local Madam! Set forth and godspeed.

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